


When I was your man

by Bangsterus



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bang Yongguk/ Kim Himchan - Freeform, Based on a Bruno Mars Song, Kim Himchan/ Jung Daehyun, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Past Relationship(s), Plot Twists, Sad, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 11:47:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17161427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bangsterus/pseuds/Bangsterus
Summary: Yongguk has lost Himchan to sheer blindness to how the other male felt back when they seemed to be happy.Too young, too dumb to realizeThat I should have bought you flowersAnd held your handShould have gave you all my hoursWhen I had the chance- Bruno Mars





	When I was your man

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there. :)
> 
> I'm finally uploading this fic here after having created it years ago in 2012. First uploaded on my asianfanfics account but I had to change a few details because many things changed a lot but I still like this fanfic soooo...please deal with this.  
> Like I said it's old really. If you see any mistakes feel free to tell me, English is not my native language, it is beta-read about three times over the years, and so on.  
> It's more sad than angsty.

**Yongguks POV**  
  
  
_Same bed, but it feels just a little bit bigger now_  
_Our song on the radio, but it don't sound the same_  
_When our friends talk about you all that it does is just tear me down_  
_Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name_  
_And it all just sound like uh, uh, uh_  
  
  
It was a rainy day as I sat with my friends in a small coffee shop, in the middle of Seoul. They talked- a lot as always- and enjoyed themselves. Without me, like all these past days, weeks, since you weren‘t with us anymore.  
Every morning I woke up in our bed, well, my bed now, wondering how the hell it came to this situation. I always thought we were the perfect couple, deeply in love especially from others point of view.

I listened up as soon as the sound of a very familiar melody hit my ear and I looked around a little, finally having gotten out of the daze I'd been in.

„Yongguk, you okay?“

„What?“

Jongup and Youngjae had stopped talking and both were looking at me, while Daehyun started playing with his fork, not looking up and really unhappy now.

„Are you okay? You look a little...distracted..“

I saw it. They were pitying me- again- because they knew. They knew how I regretted it. Especially Daehyun, who didn‘t budge to look up. He told me that you went to him, talked with him about your feelings, about us, that you were torn inside..

„Is it about Himchan again?“

There it was. Your name. I couldn‘t hear it anymore. The pain in my chest just came back as soon as I 'forgot' about it. Just simply because of your name. With your name came the memory of your voice, your beautiful face, your lips and the angelic smile you always send in my direction..your whole wonderful being that I never actually realized and respected.

„..you should have just listened“

Now Daehyun was raising his voice a little and also looked directly at me, his sad eyes telling a complete story. He always liked you, more than a friend but he never let it show because we were friends. Because you could never see it and he didn‘t want to break us up. Now he wasn‘t like this anymore. He would always tell me how wrong it was to hurt you. To lose you. To let you go like this. Then he stood up, gave a sad smile and a nod to the others and left.  
  
  
_Hmmm too young, too dumb to realize_  
_That I should have bought you flowers and held your hand_  
_Should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance_  
_Take you to every party cause all you wanted to do was dance_  
_Now my baby is dancing, but she's dancing with another man._  
  
  
As always, the rest of my day was just about you. Youngjae and I were sitting in a cap on our way to the club Yongnam had invited us this night as we passed a beautiful flower shop. I knew this shop. You‘d always stop in front of it and look at the flowers adoringly. You liked flowers, wanted to be as beautiful as them like you used to say. I could just always wonder how you thought that you weren‘t beautiful. Obviously more than those flowers.

Everytime, when we passed this shop, you had asked me if we could go in for a while and buy a few, for our apartment but I had always declined. I don‘t like flowers that much. So I didn‘t want to go in, even though you really wanted to.

I always wanted to get home as fast as possible and chill, spend some time with other friends or go clubbing. All the time you asked me if you could join us I said no as to the fact that you could see another man, a person, someone who was better than me. I didn‘t trust you enough. Not at all.

„Come on, we‘re already late.“

Youngjae pulled me out of the cap and dragged me to the club we were heading to. I didn‘t want to, really, because I knew that I couldn‘t just forget you and have a 'fun' night out now. I didn‘t and never want to forget you. Even if you weren’t there with me anymore, I would always keep our memories and everything we had.

Like this one.

This club.

We went to it once and drank, danced and well- had fun. I remember loving the way you smiled, your relaxed state. What I didn‘t like at all was that you were dancing with a woman.

A pretty woman.

You weren‘t close to her, but still you just looked so perfect together.

I got awfully jealous and dragged you out of there, yelling at you, didn‘t care about your feelings at this moment.

Now I know that all you wanted to do was dance, and because I didn‘t want to dance with you that moment, you simply went to the dance floor on your own and did what you wanted to do.

As we reached our destination Yongnam and Daehyun were already waiting for us. My brother smiled and said hello as if nothing happened, while Daehyun was gazing at the ground. A little awkward silence arose between us and Yongnam sighed in a defended manner, before smiling again and lead all of us into the club.

I looked around a little, the loud music slightly bothersome, while the bass throughout my whole body sort of had a relaxing, soothing impact on me. We moved again, walking towards the bar - but before we could get to it my body froze.

I felt my eyes widen as realization hit me, catching sight of you.

You on the dance floor - smiling brightly at another man.  
  
  
_My pride, my ego, my needs and my selfish ways_  
_Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life_  
_Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made_  
_And it haunts me every time I close my eyes_  
_It all just sounds like uh, uh, uh, uh_  
  
  
Without thinking I started to push through the crowd. I didn‘t like the scene, you with another man - another person in general. As I thought before, it hurt so bad that I wanted to scream my lungs out, punch myself for letting you go.

Getting you back and never loosen my grip around you ever again.

As I was pushing my way trough the people in here someone grabbed my wrist and pulled me back. I turned around, confused and angry at the same time but bit my lower lip as I looked at no one else but Jung Daehyun.

„Leave him alone. Don‘t you see that he‘s happy right now? Without you?“

I could see the pain in his eyes but obviously he was handling it better than me.

He always had.

He knew that you were completely out of his reach, not even close to me anymore. Always just being the good friend. Again I bit my lip, defeated, following him now to Youngjae and Yongnam who were already sitting at the bar and ordering drinks.

How was I supposed to tell you that I was still in love with you, that I missed you, that I needed you more than anyone else on earth?

My eyes searched for you again on the crowded dance floor, but you were gone. The guy you danced with, however, was still there.

Or maybe you were still there, too, out of my sight, in front of that guy. Again THOSE thoughts came along.

I never thought that I could possibly lose you. You were strong, you never really showed your pain.

And then...then you just said that it was enough, that you couldn‘t live with me anymore and that you needed time. Freedom. You didn‘t say it, but you didn’t need me anymore. You didn‘t cry. You were smiling, hugging me, then you turned around and left.

I, of course, stayed unresponsive.  
  
  
°  
  
  
After a few hours of drinking and also dancing all of us went home again. Daehyun laid his head on my shoulder as we sat in the cap, while Youngjae was sleeping in the front seat. Yongnam had taken another taxi because he lived in the complete different direction.

It was silent and I closed my eyes as well, thinking about your pretty face while imagining that everything was still all right.

„Yongguk..“

Daehyun whispered and lifted his head a little, looking at me as I opened my eyes to look at him.

„Mhm?“

„I miss him. Not as much as you do probably, but I miss him, too..“

„I know, Dae. I know...“  
  
  
_Although it hurts I'll be the first to say that I was wrong_  
_Oh, I know I'm probably much too late_  
_To try and apologize for my mistakes_  
_But I just want you to know_  
_I hope he buys you flowers, I hope he holds your hand_  
_Give you all his hours when he has the chance_  
_Take you to every party cause I remember how much you loved to dance_  
_Do all the things I should have done when I was your man_  
_Do all the things I should have done when I was your man_  
  
  
I laid in my bed, on the side you always slept on, thinking about our past. You never looked at me like this in moments when we were out together. Of course, you were smiling a lot, but you always had this sad glance in your beautiful eyes.

And sadly enough I only realized now why that had been the case.

I never said that I loved you more than once. When we started dating. I never followed your wishes when you told me one, even if it was hidden behind jokes. I never got a view behind that mask of yours because I never wanted to.

One day you gave up telling me that you loved me, I never realized that until now.

I broke you without knowing.

I never wanted to.

If you just came back I would tell you every second how much you mean to me. How I needed you. How much I actually love you.

But that was only a wish never coming true. Right now the only thing I can do is hoping that he treats you better. That he‘s always there for you and tells you how beautiful you are, how much you are worth living for.

A small smile formed on my lips as I felt tears starting to roll down my cheeks.

I turned around, facing my nightstand and let out a deep sigh before closing my eyes and seeing your pretty face.

Again.

I wanted to follow Daehyuns words and let you go, thinking it would be the best for you.

And maybe, for me as well.

A few minutes passed....or maybe hours, I had no idea. I couldn‘t sleep, and then my doorbell rang.

Once.

I ignored it.

Twice.

I turned around and stared at the ceiling.

The third time I groaned and stood up, pulled over a sweater and slowly made my way to the door. It rang again and I nearly yelled at this ass in front of my door. The hell, it was freaking past midnight and I wanted to get at least a bit of sleep, dwell in depressing thoughts and roll around in bed until morning if I couldn't catch a second of sleep. As I opened the door I also opened my mouth to speak, but my vocabulary failed me as soon as I spotted my uninvited late guest.

„Hello, Yongguk…“


End file.
